Thursday, 21 September 2017

Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.


This one is a bit more of a personal entry, so apologies for that, but I think it's important to explain the real reasoning for my adventure and what I learned from it.

Before my American adventure, my life at home had changed a great deal; my relationship had ended, my working life had changed and finances were tight. I was losing confidence in myself and as insecurities built, happiness seemed harder to find. Having always had someone with me in every step of a journey I took for the past 4 or more years, the world can seem fairly daunting when you're newly single in a city that no longer feels like home and some friendships feel tainted. I think in a lot of these changes, I saw myself changing and what I wanted out of life changing and becoming less clear.

I am a big believer in everything happening for a reason, and whilst at the time the reason may not always seem so clear, sometimes you have to grab life by the handles and steer off to a new direction. Whilst I loved my job as a Personal Shopper, and working in fashion is something I would very much like to continue with, my progression with my then employer had been stunted. I am an ambitious person who sets the bar high for my own achievements and sadly I felt almost trapped, as though there was no where left for me to progress on a wage that was very dead end.

'America' was something I had always wanted to do and I think had I still been in that relationship, it was probably something I wouldn't have done. My housemate had previously gone away for a summer with Camp America and had told me how incredible an experience it was, and after a little research I was sold; so after having discussed this with my manager, friends and family, I decided to draw a line under that chapter of my life and start a new on a fresh blank page, titled 'Camp America'.

I detailed the application process of Camp America in a previous blog post and vlog, so if you haven't seen it and/or you're sat here reading this feeling pretty much the same as I did then click here, and change your life. I touched on how incredible it was and how much it changed my life but I guess it only fair that I do my best to really explain why as fully as I can.

So fast forward to having been hired and getting ready to go, for the first time in as long time I felt really truly excited about something! My life was still changing around me and friendships old and new were being made and broken, but I was happy. By the time departure day came around, I felt so ready for a change; change of scenery from the city that I was once in love in; change of job I was once in love with; change of home that was once my first home in a new place. I boarded the train, the tube and eventually with my passport in hand boarded the plane from Heathrow Terminal 3, flew into San Francisco and did not look back once.

If you've ever seen 'Friends with Benefits', you'll have heard a song that features one of my favourite ever lyrics and a mantra that I now live by and is in fact the title of this post; "Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end".

I keep saying, and will remain to say, to anyone who asks me about my summer experience that it is the most incredible thing I have done to date - and in fairness I've done some pretty gnarly things in my life so far - and as cliche as it sounds, I found myself a little bit more.

I think we spend our lives striving towards being the person we want to be, so I can't really say that 'I found myself', but I certainly scratched the surface of the person I want to become. Camp allowed me the space I really needed from the world, and in throwing myself into a deep end of moving to a different country with absolutely no one I knew I'm proud to say that I thrived in making a life there and forming friendships with the most inspiring people one could ever wish to meet.

If you're someone reading this who I met this summer, please know that you changed my life for the better and for that reason you'll hold a special place in my heart.

I won't go much deeper than that right now because I think this is probably too much of my heart being poured out onto what is usually a fairly professional social platform. But just know, if you so wish to care, that I have returned from America a happier person with a clearer vision of what I want from life and who I am. I have returned with fresh eyes to a city that is no longer tainted by being 'ours' but 'my own', a new job that seems to offer exciting and fresh opportunities and a home that feels like my own (though it could new with a few new pieces here and there to freshen up - maybe I'll do a less emotional blog post about that)... oh... and a new... relationship?

And if you've made it to the end of my ramblings then you'll know the summary to it all is this; I'm happy. And the world feels new and exciting. And I'm ready for change. Change is good for the soul.

J x


** Travel posts coming soon!
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